Need help

[needhelpasap]

My daughter's father has not followed through with his court ordered visitation. He has completed 3 visits as of June 2006 and has done a total of 6 visits out of 26 possible for the whole year. He also has not paid child support since september 2006. He is now calling and wants to see his daughter due to receiving a letter from the court stating that he needs to get caught up on his back support. He called me and left a message saying that now that he has to pay again he wants to see his daughter, (like there is a price tag on her or something). My question is do I have to allow her to go with him even though he never follows through and comes and goes as he pleases and when it is convenient for him? please help me i have no idea what to do.

[firenationgrl]

Well, the support and visitation are seperate.

So, just like he is in violation of teh support order (and you can file contempt on that), you would be in violation if you did not allowed "court ordered" visitation and he could file contempt charges on you.
It's a risk you'd be taking not allowing the visitation.
They (NCP) are not required to utilize their visitation, it is at their discretion.

[needhelpasap]

That is why the system is so screwed up. The father is allowed to come and go as he pleases even though there is a court order saying he is to do every other weekend. The minute I ( the mother) decide that enough is enough and I dont think I should have to send my daughter, whom is only 4, that barely even knows her father and is almost a stranger to her, but I can get in contempt of court for him not being consistent with his visitation. It is so ridiculous and unreal.

[firenationgrl]

That is why the system is so screwed up. The father is allowed to come and go as he pleases even though there is a court order saying he is to do every other weekend. The minute I ( the mother) decide that enough is enough and I dont think I should have to send my daughter, whom is only 4, that barely even knows her father and is almost a stranger to her, but I can get in contempt of court for him not being consistent with his visitation. It is so ridiculous and unreal.

I agree, it is a screwed up system! It's more about EACH parents rights, not the "best interest" of the child, at least in my opinion.

I don't see how coming in and out of a kids life is good for them, but dad has rights, and visitation is not a mandatory item, just if they want to envoke it, which they usually do when trying to make a point or gain control.

The best you can do is file for a modification to the visitation. That usually means there has to be a change in circumstance, and you have to have good reason (and facts) to make it happen.

I'm going through crap now with a guy who has not worked, never has been responsible, lives with mommy... pretty much wants all the benefits of beibg a parent with none of the responsibility, and he will probably get it! I feel your pain

[needhelpasap]

It's nice to talk to someone who actually understands what I'm going through. I totally agree that the system should go by the child's best interest, but does not. My daughter ends up having "accidents " everytime she goes back to do visits with her father. He just got married and his new wife is always talking in the background and telling him what to do. One time she told him to call the police if I didnt let her go with him, after 4 months of not even a phone call. I told him last time I talked to him that she needs to back off and he needs to do what he should when it comes to his daughter not what she says, and his reply was, " well she's my wife" He just doesnt get it. The worse part is he doesnt do his visitation because he wants to he does it out of spite because he knows that I can't stand him and it bothers me when she goes with him. We've been in and out of court 3 times in 2 years and he still keeps getting away with it all. The last time we walked out of court his words were, to the entire place, " I won I always win and get what I want."!! Yeah real nice!! I thought I was going to die.

[concrowds]

Your story is a knockoff of my divorced life starting 13 years ago! I so hope your road is a shorter one. Mine is a never ending story! I've been to court so many times that I swear I could pass the state bar in family law! I try to joke, but really it's not that funny! The size of my divorce file is extremely large and it's quite embarrassing when someone comments on it, especially the Judge.
My advice to you is to remain calm always, keep records everything and anything, in detail. Use camera's, answering machines, tape recorders, video camera's, and third party witnesses. Keep EVERYTHING in one place, a safe place, and make police reports whenever necessary. If you do have to call the police (for anything), make sure to get the Officer's business card with his name, the date and case #. This may all seem a bit too much, but trust me, it's better to be safe than sorry!
My ex-husband took me to court 5 times last year after a 7 (or so) year break from court hearings, bringing our grand total of 117 times in court! OKay, I can't say that total is accurate, but I do plan to verify it, as I'm looking into filing a frivolous litigation lawsuit. That amount comes from my oldest son, 23yrs. old, telling me that his dad showed him a paper he's been keeping a record of the dates he's taken me to court.
This man has lied about his wages, jobs and countless other subjects, has falsified court orders, and had the last two court requests thrown out, yet he continues to take me to court without reason and he never get reprimanded for any of it. I've come to the conclusion that it's up to me to try to put a stop to things (legally), because the court arent going to OBVIOUSLY!
I tried to make this as short as possible, but even the short version is too long! Good luck to you.

[growing-n-grace]

disregard all osf the "angry advice" and listen to this very carefully.

First off, I'm a fther who was on the other side of the battle, but I am not writing to defend him nor side with you. Mt interest is in the welfare of your child..

first evaluate yourself and see if there are any actions that are hindering the visitation..why?

Not only becasue of legal action, but for the sake of your child..remmeber you and your ex do not have any problems in that you are no longer together.

2nd, on issue I had to overcome was my daughter's mother not taking care of things the way that she should, well the flip side of this it taht as long as I took care of my daughter' needs and looked at it as MY responsibility as a parent, it no longer mattered whether she did her part.

3rd never be the person who takes the other parent out of the child's life, I understand about the frustration;however, your child does not. And in the end, no matter what happens, he/she will always remember that it was your fault that he/she could not see the other parent.

You can file for enforcement of child support, but putting him in jail doesn't get the money, only prevents him from seeing the child.

good luck and again, don't listento the empathizers, they are still angry