frustratedmom
04-02-2007, 04:26 AM
I have been divorced now for seven years . Married for 14 to a person who was physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. He started with me then the children and that's when I got out. A year after the divorce the children and I had an apt fire. I lost my six year old girl due to smoke inhalation. My oldest boy was 19 at the time and in the process of moving into a new apt. I also had a 13 year old boy, and a 3 year old daughter. It put our whole family in a confused, caotic manor. The oldest felt guilty because he wasnt there to help when the fire happened. My thirteen year old dealt with a lot of guilt because he felt responsible for our losing her, even though I reassured him that it wasnt his fault. But at the time of the fire he had told me he had her and we were to meet downstairs. When we arrived, he didnt have her and thought she was with me. He didnt speak to counselors about this and two years later told me how guilty he felt and that it was his fault. I felt so horrible that he had felt this way. I once again told him it wasnt his fault. My oldest son became distant. We were like best friends before the fire. The children's so called father has not seen the children for seven years. This is to give you some background.
Now, it was when my 13 year was fifteen he decided to download porno on the internet. 18,000 pics to be honest. On his computer he had a vagina as a screen saver. My oldest was into pot and very protective of the younger brother. He started taking my son to another town to pick up money or dope. I forbade him to do this. I took away the computer cord from the fifteen year old. So they decided that the 15 year old was going to live with the older brother. The fifteen year old went as far as telling social services that I had slapped him so hard that it made his nose bleed. I am not into striking my children. But he learned from school how the system worked and in order to get out of our home he would make up this story. This is also typical behavior of children who have lived in an abusive family. From what I understand , they lash out as late as five to six years on the parent who cared for them because there is so much anger, and confusion they dont know how to handle things.
Now, my son also had eating problems so we locked the fridge. He already was 5' 10 and 353lbs and I didnt want him to get bigger. He refused to go to counseling after a counselor had threatened him with police after closing a door on his sisters head and leaving a bruise. This report to social services wasnt even finished about the supposed slapping inccident because they said that I had a disgruntled teenager on my hands and after all he has been thru it doesnt surprise them. So no charges were made and my son lived with me. He even apologized for the inccident.
Then, six months later he decided he was going to start staying out all nite and not call, hung around his brother and proceeded to smoke pot. By now I was at my wits end. Then next thing is he tells me at 15 almost 16 that he wants to emancipate himself and live with his friend. I told him forget it. And Wisconsin doesnt have an emancipation law. He fought argued. I have never seen him like this. He was insistant on leaving. Well I didnt want him to quit school because he was an honor student and because he needed an education of course. He was out for football, clubs , you name it he liked to be in it. So , I told him lets compromise. You dont want to live here but yet you want to finish school here. He said yes. So I said ok, I will have you live with my girlfriend and her fiance in their home and you promise you will finish school. But you have to abide by their rules and no skipping. So he agreed. I figured maybe he would behave for this other family and want to come home. He did this throughout his sophmore year and would visit and I in turn gave him money he needed and some of the child support went to my girlfriend who used it for food , clothing etc. This went ok until he and his brother decided that he would live with his brother. They told me it would just be for the summer because he would be closer to his work. So I agreed.
The boys soon didnt talk to me and if I had forced him to come home he would of taken off. I called the school to make sure he was registered and the next thing I knew I had a paper filled out by the DA in our county for change in guardianship requested by my son. He stated I had thrown him out on the streets. The counselor at the school insisted I made no contact wtih the school Yet I had emails and lists of phone calls I had made to his teachers to make sure his grades were up. He then had his brother helping me. They went to a place called passeges, which is an abuse shelter for battered women. They worked the system. I never had charges filed on me for anything. The counselor at the school would not listen and just assumed my son was telling the truth. I called the social worker who had come out to my house and she said, The best thing to do is to let him do this so he gets thru school, because that is the main goal. In the mean time we had bought a house in another town and my son had refused to move there, I even offered to drive him back and fourth. I was also in the middle of a wrongful death suit over my daughter. Both boys thought I was going to get 300,000 dollars or so. and both thought I did when I won. Now, with them and the pot and money always being tight i think this is the reason for this whole episode. They thought if they got a person from work to agree to being his guardian they could split 17 percent of 300,000. This guardian had one vehicle she used between her and her husband and two kids in college. They were really straining for funds. She also told me that she didnt want support from me and what my son got from his father was just fine. When we went to court, she was the first one down to the child support office demanding support. I thought omg. And low and behold they brought the ex in on this too. I wasnt going to fight anymore battles that day. The judge new my divorce case and what I had been thru with my children and my ex. He told them both that he had hoped they knew what they were doing because once this decision was made it was staying. No flipping back and fourth. After that court date this woman refused to speak to me and would not give my son my calls. I loaned her a medical card she refused to give back to me. Needless to say I figured one of these days my son would grow up and realize his mistakes.
I havent had contact with him since he was fifteen and a half. I do however have a friend who checks up on him for me and who he talks to. He refuses to speak to me.
We tried having the oldest come to the house for dinner to talk things out and he blew up at us.
Now here is the situation....Passages which is the abuse shelter is telling women who come there how I abused my son , mentally, physically, and emotionally. She is also telling them that he is doing so much better at school now that he is away from me. Now, keep in mind these are the same people who helped me thru my divorce.
These people have no right to divulge information regarding a minor at the time of the inccident. Not to mention the false accusations. They are treated me as though I had been convicted of a crime. I still have full custody of my daughter who is now nine and was never questioned otherwise. Who can I speak with about them doing this. I know there are some laws of privacy when it comes to teenagers and adults in abusive situations. No chips petition was ever filed against me or even started.
What gives them the right to slander someone like this and is there anything legally I can do about it.
What gives this county the right, to condone this teenagers behavior and encourage him. Then reward him for lying and not get him the help he needs to deal with everything. Then to top it off he is getting 700 dollars a month child support , plus working , plus I gave him 7500 dollars out of the law suit settlement. I just want to know why does the state allow this to happen. Teenagers lie to get what they want. They go thru life with struggles with changing into an adult. Why arent passages aware that abusive children often lash out at the parent that takes care of them? These are suppose to be experts in situations of abuse and the welfare of the victum and the children. Why isnt the county educated on what happens to children that come from abusive families. Not to mention the loss of a sister too. These kids had a double wham of monumental things happening in their life and no one to help. Instead the county and passages acted like the teenager and said poor baby, your mother is so mean. He ate that up for crying out loud.
Is there anything I can do legally?
Now, it was when my 13 year was fifteen he decided to download porno on the internet. 18,000 pics to be honest. On his computer he had a vagina as a screen saver. My oldest was into pot and very protective of the younger brother. He started taking my son to another town to pick up money or dope. I forbade him to do this. I took away the computer cord from the fifteen year old. So they decided that the 15 year old was going to live with the older brother. The fifteen year old went as far as telling social services that I had slapped him so hard that it made his nose bleed. I am not into striking my children. But he learned from school how the system worked and in order to get out of our home he would make up this story. This is also typical behavior of children who have lived in an abusive family. From what I understand , they lash out as late as five to six years on the parent who cared for them because there is so much anger, and confusion they dont know how to handle things.
Now, my son also had eating problems so we locked the fridge. He already was 5' 10 and 353lbs and I didnt want him to get bigger. He refused to go to counseling after a counselor had threatened him with police after closing a door on his sisters head and leaving a bruise. This report to social services wasnt even finished about the supposed slapping inccident because they said that I had a disgruntled teenager on my hands and after all he has been thru it doesnt surprise them. So no charges were made and my son lived with me. He even apologized for the inccident.
Then, six months later he decided he was going to start staying out all nite and not call, hung around his brother and proceeded to smoke pot. By now I was at my wits end. Then next thing is he tells me at 15 almost 16 that he wants to emancipate himself and live with his friend. I told him forget it. And Wisconsin doesnt have an emancipation law. He fought argued. I have never seen him like this. He was insistant on leaving. Well I didnt want him to quit school because he was an honor student and because he needed an education of course. He was out for football, clubs , you name it he liked to be in it. So , I told him lets compromise. You dont want to live here but yet you want to finish school here. He said yes. So I said ok, I will have you live with my girlfriend and her fiance in their home and you promise you will finish school. But you have to abide by their rules and no skipping. So he agreed. I figured maybe he would behave for this other family and want to come home. He did this throughout his sophmore year and would visit and I in turn gave him money he needed and some of the child support went to my girlfriend who used it for food , clothing etc. This went ok until he and his brother decided that he would live with his brother. They told me it would just be for the summer because he would be closer to his work. So I agreed.
The boys soon didnt talk to me and if I had forced him to come home he would of taken off. I called the school to make sure he was registered and the next thing I knew I had a paper filled out by the DA in our county for change in guardianship requested by my son. He stated I had thrown him out on the streets. The counselor at the school insisted I made no contact wtih the school Yet I had emails and lists of phone calls I had made to his teachers to make sure his grades were up. He then had his brother helping me. They went to a place called passeges, which is an abuse shelter for battered women. They worked the system. I never had charges filed on me for anything. The counselor at the school would not listen and just assumed my son was telling the truth. I called the social worker who had come out to my house and she said, The best thing to do is to let him do this so he gets thru school, because that is the main goal. In the mean time we had bought a house in another town and my son had refused to move there, I even offered to drive him back and fourth. I was also in the middle of a wrongful death suit over my daughter. Both boys thought I was going to get 300,000 dollars or so. and both thought I did when I won. Now, with them and the pot and money always being tight i think this is the reason for this whole episode. They thought if they got a person from work to agree to being his guardian they could split 17 percent of 300,000. This guardian had one vehicle she used between her and her husband and two kids in college. They were really straining for funds. She also told me that she didnt want support from me and what my son got from his father was just fine. When we went to court, she was the first one down to the child support office demanding support. I thought omg. And low and behold they brought the ex in on this too. I wasnt going to fight anymore battles that day. The judge new my divorce case and what I had been thru with my children and my ex. He told them both that he had hoped they knew what they were doing because once this decision was made it was staying. No flipping back and fourth. After that court date this woman refused to speak to me and would not give my son my calls. I loaned her a medical card she refused to give back to me. Needless to say I figured one of these days my son would grow up and realize his mistakes.
I havent had contact with him since he was fifteen and a half. I do however have a friend who checks up on him for me and who he talks to. He refuses to speak to me.
We tried having the oldest come to the house for dinner to talk things out and he blew up at us.
Now here is the situation....Passages which is the abuse shelter is telling women who come there how I abused my son , mentally, physically, and emotionally. She is also telling them that he is doing so much better at school now that he is away from me. Now, keep in mind these are the same people who helped me thru my divorce.
These people have no right to divulge information regarding a minor at the time of the inccident. Not to mention the false accusations. They are treated me as though I had been convicted of a crime. I still have full custody of my daughter who is now nine and was never questioned otherwise. Who can I speak with about them doing this. I know there are some laws of privacy when it comes to teenagers and adults in abusive situations. No chips petition was ever filed against me or even started.
What gives them the right to slander someone like this and is there anything legally I can do about it.
What gives this county the right, to condone this teenagers behavior and encourage him. Then reward him for lying and not get him the help he needs to deal with everything. Then to top it off he is getting 700 dollars a month child support , plus working , plus I gave him 7500 dollars out of the law suit settlement. I just want to know why does the state allow this to happen. Teenagers lie to get what they want. They go thru life with struggles with changing into an adult. Why arent passages aware that abusive children often lash out at the parent that takes care of them? These are suppose to be experts in situations of abuse and the welfare of the victum and the children. Why isnt the county educated on what happens to children that come from abusive families. Not to mention the loss of a sister too. These kids had a double wham of monumental things happening in their life and no one to help. Instead the county and passages acted like the teenager and said poor baby, your mother is so mean. He ate that up for crying out loud.
Is there anything I can do legally?